If life was made of the stuff of dreams…I’d be mad

So I had this dream last night. For those of you who have heard about my dreams, well, they’re not really normal. In fact they’re usually incredibly bizarre. This one is no exception.

I think the dream was with me at the viewpoint of an observer, since I always saw everything and I don’t recall participating actively in the dream. It started off on a highway, several guys were apparently fleeing from a cop who was chasing them for bank robbery or something. What made it more interesting was the fact that they were mostly split up, and while I saw them as individual people running along and getting exhausted the speeds they were going were clearly those of a car….
Anyway, I believe the cop caught the last guy, and was fast approaching the other two when one of them decided to tie up the cop while the other got away with the money or something.
Then it’s a bit fuzzy…..and I recall the guy who got away getting home, where his wife was apparently insanely mean and abusive. And he tried to reconcile or something, but she would have nothing of it…and was apparently oblivious to the stolen money or something….
Then she leaves, and he burns down the first floor…causing the houses 2nd floor to drop into place…obviously not realistic. He then goes to the neighbors’ where he tries to seduce the woman there. Lots of blurry stuff there, the wife comes back wondering why the house is now one story instead of too. She attempts to reconcile with her husband, something about taking anger classes….lots of blurry stuff…he doesn’t have any of it…and then more blur until the end…

Weird…

That bird’ll do tricks for free…

So I was in the supermarket friday, walking down the isle, minding my own business when out of the corner of my eye I see this fast motion
moving in. Wham, there’s this bird flying down and landing on top of the aisle. I’m sure it thought it was supposed to be there, but it
was wrong. I think it was a finch, or some other small bird, but I don’t really know. I’m know ornithologist.

It kind of made me wonder how it got in there. Did it fly in through a loading dock, and then in through a back door? Did it sneak in the
entrance doors, even though they’re somewhat small? Did it escape from the butcher who was preparing a tasty finch pie (yum?)? At least
their weren’t 4 and 20 blackbirds, then I’d know a blackbird pie had gone horrible wrong.

Speaking of eating birds, chicken and turkey are just so darn good tasting, and it’s almost time for us to eat lots of turkey…for days
and days… At first it’s great, but after the first 20 meals it starts to get old.

Have any of you ever had a Turducken? These bad boys are like the epicurean ornithologists dream. It makes me wonder though, who’s idea
was it to stuff a de-boned turkey with a de-boned duck, which happened to be stuffed with a de-boned chicken? Do you ever think “Hey, I
like beef, and I like chicken, let’s stuff a cow with chickens. We can call it beeficken!” Or better yet “I like beef, I like bacon, and
I like chicken, let’s stuff a cow with a pig that’s been stuffed with chickens! It can be called beigen.”

You know… beigen actually sounds tasty…..

Moving away from food…

As I was leaving the metro 2 days ago I got in my car, and noticed unusual movement in the car in front of me. At first I figured someone
had gotten in, or was messing around and I just didn’t catch them when I walked passed. Then I noticed a balding old man’s head leaning
over the passengers seat and moving around kind of oddly. It was at this point that I decided something funky was going down, so I
decided I should leave. As I started to do that though I suddenly saw a “young” (compared to the old man) black woman’s face look up. Now
maybe this particular youngish black woman has a thing for old men, in particular old white men (at least, I think he was white), and
maybe she just happened to have a thing for parking lots, but if you ask me I think it was one of those “arrangements” where the old man
agreed to give the youngish woman money under the table for certain activities that in such an arrangement are rendered illegal. That’s
just me though…. I just hope I don’t run across any more of those sorts of things.

Modifications Away…

Even though I don’t think anyone else has read this yet, I’ve modified the look a bit, so it’s not quite so bland. Maybe later, when I’m even more bored, I’ll get around to making a custom theme. For now though, I’m happy not to be that bored.

I’ll probably tweak little things here and there to make it more like I want to see it, but I doubt anything major will be changing soon. I’ve found modifying php isn’t all that easy when you don’t know anything about php, but I’m getting by so far.

For those of you who read, or will read this, or maybe just for me to read in the future, here’s some stuff related to my life:
I got a new apartment, unfortunately it’s the same landlady. She has to be one of the most incompetent people I have ever personally had to repeatedly submit to the presence of (usually I avoid those types). My old apartment, which was just across the hall, was fairly small but cozy. The biggest down side was that it had no windows, this meant it was in violation of the fire code and she wasn’t really supposed to be renting it. I needed a place, and it was cheap, so I wasn’t too concerned except in the event of a fire. If there was a fire, then I’d be very concerned as I’d have to some how escape from the windowless room. It did have two doors, but the second door opened onto a storage room that was full of random crap. Oh yeah, she’s a packrat too. She literally had piles and piles of junk in this room, pieces of old chairs, random chunks of wood, strips of carpet. She said the strips of carpet were for putting in the closet cause if her dog, Rocky (cute dog), tore up the carpet elsewhere she’d cut out chunks and replace it with closet carpet. This made sense at the time, but not really anymore. Why not just use the strips of carpet in the basement? She apparently though the rest of the junk was somehow useful. Her garage is full of crap too, thankfully I never need to go there. Occasionally I’ll see her wading through it, looking for one random thing or another, hopelessly searching. It’s probably a metaphor for her life, I bet it’s a metaphor for yours too. Maybe not.
Anyway, so I had to move into a new apartment because she’d apparently been talking with the inspectors because she wanted to meet the code (apparently lying and shifting around legalities was ok up until now) and she found out that she was actually only allowed to rent to two people at a time (she’d had it set for up to 4). She apparently mistakenly read the code that said “up to five people making up a single housekeeping unit” could live together to mean that she could rent out to 4 people. In actuality this would only apply if the 5 of us were all working together to keep up the house, kinda like if 5 college pals rented a house. In this case, the tenants really were just taking care of their room, while she did the rest. The inspector found out about this, and decided he needed to visit (probably for the best). This means that rather then repeatedly moving me out of the room when inspectors were coming (about a month before I had to go stay with her boyfriend for 2 or so days) she was willing to give me the apartment across the hall at the same price. This apartment is probably about 2x as large as the old one plus it has a ceiling fan and two windows (one nice and large), so it was a good move. The biggest downside here, aside from having to move all my stuff, was that we technically weren’t supposed to have ovens because of the code. She decided that not only would she pull the ovens out permanently but she’d also pull out the fridge and anything else remotely kitchen like until after the inspection. Fridges and other kitchen related ameneties are quite clearly allowed by the code, but no matter how much I told her this she wouldn’t listen, ignorant baboon. I’ve been trying to get in touch with the people in the housing department for Montgomery County to find out what exactly is allowed, and where, in hopes that if ovens aren’t allowed without a special license we could maybe have one of the other apartments turned into a full “kitchen” with two ovens. This would make everyone happy, at least, I think it would. If you wouldn’t be happy about this, and if you aren’t happy about this if and when this happens, well, then you’re nobody.

So without cabinets in my apartment (temporarily out cause it looked too kitcheny) I’ve got boxes full of cookware, silverware, underwear (ok, those are actually in the dresser), food products, and so forth piling up in the room, taking up most of my extra space. She actually wanted all the stuff related to a kitchen, including food, hidden. All based on her imbecilic assumption that any of those things would make it look like a kitchen and thus imply that an oven had been in the room before.

Oh joy, the inspector was supposed to visit today. I wonder what he’ll find out. Oh, did I mention she also thought he told her locks weren’t allowed on bedrooms, so she removed the locks from the rooms temporarily. What the heck is up with that? Everything I could find in the code clearly indicated that locks were required for this sort of thing, in fact, the locks she had weren’t up to code. Of course, even with locks that were up to code, the door is on backwards. That’s right, backwards. How can a door be backwards you ask? Well, the hinges are on the outside. That means anyone who get’s past the basement door is free to pop the pins in the hinges and waltz right in. Why hello there mister robber, why yes, take all that you want, take the door too, I don’t need it. Hopefully the inspector will reign hellfire down on her for these idiotic misinterpretations of the obvious.

Now I just need to wait for work to end, so I can go back, and hopefully not freak out over what’s happened in my absence.

And now back to your featured presentation….

So it begins…

So yeah, I figured with a real webpage, maybe I should start up a blog of my own. Admittedly this involves me inflating my ego so as to think someone is actually going to read the tripe contrived nonsensical banter that gets posted here, but I’ve always been knowns to have a pretty good imagination.

Anyway, kick off your shoes, knock your socks off, and please keep those stinking feet away from me.

Ciao.

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